My children have been my biggest teachers in this life. I’ve come to learn that just because I am their mother, older and bigger than them does not mean I know any better than they do. We are not just a physical family of 4, but a soul family. We all knew that our souls would get the growth that we needed by playing certain characters in this 3d life. Understanding that concept I began to look at my children differently. We want to keep them from harms way and make sure they don’t experience hurt and pain like we did. We want to give them more than what we had. I’ve come to learn that is where I was wrong. Any pain or life experiences that I am trying to “save” them from is me , saving myself from ME. I’m trying to protect all of the little Monica’s that I’m projecting onto them.
In trying to save them from everything that is coming their way or making choices for them I am taking their power away. I’m sending the message that only I know what is good for them, more than they know what is good for themselves. They then rely on me and assume that I am the know all be all. They start to question their own truth and rely on validation from me, their father and others. This is a snowball effect that bleeds into their teen and adult years. The last thing I want to do is raise confused children and keep them from shining their truth.
My sons are not mine to keep. I cannot get attached to them as being mine forever. The key is to value them every day for who and what they are. They are not mine to mold into what I want. To be frank, by doing so is to mold them into what I always wanted to be. By stepping back and seeing them as individual souls I am able to detach and honor them, their gifts, their love, their light. They chose me to be their Mom to guide them into their authenticity and to help their soul evolve. They chose a warrior of Truth to assist them in their mission here on Earth and this validates my mission a whole lot more. So remember to love them for who they are not what you want them to be.
"AHA" to "Oh Sh*t what did I do"
I want to share a experience that I had with my son that gave me my “AHA” moment. A moment that has led me to change my parenting methods.
My oldest is such a beautiful soul that operates from such a high frequency of love. This world can be difficult and I know his mission is to spread the awareness of peace and love. A few years ago I picked up Kelvin from school and he told me that he got detention for being late to class. I flipped and yelled and asked him why? His response was that one of his classmates books had fallen and he stopped to help her. I could see in his eyes that he was so confused. He knew he did the right thing but he got detention and was getting yelled at by Mom? Authority and Mom were not willing to understand his side, we didn’t even give him a chance. I was not nice and I told him to look after himself first before helping others. I then asked, ”why didn’t anyone else help? Because they were all looking after their own asses and didn’t get detention that's why!” Sounds harsh, I know. How many times have we as adults had slip ups like this that we are not proud of? Too many of us and the aftermath is not so pretty.
A few months later I had my “aha” moment looking back at this situation. I could not believe how I had behaved and how this was the “typical ” way to react. I was dimming my sons light and it was so painful to become aware of this. This was pretty painful to expericen and no parent wants to purposely hurt their child. The good thing is that once you become aware you then have an option to make a change. His heart was all about oneness and helping others. Something this world needs and here I was bashing him for what the world was asking for. If I would have been more centered, in the moment and actually listened to him with my heart and not just my ears the outcome would have been different. I was thankfully given another chance and during a parent teacher conference I allowed my son the chance to speak up about what had happened that day. All while standing next to him to reassuring him that Mom had his back.
Parenting from a non-hierarchal standpoint can be difficult at times. To take their consideration into everything and give them choices can be difficult or shall I say “inconvenient” especially if this is not what you are used to. I sometimes just want to say “because I told you so” and not need to explain anything. I then regain focus and concentrate on the bigger picture. By helping them be true in their hearts and speak from truth is how they will be strong heart centered men. True leaders. They will have trust in themselves and not need validation from anyone. When they get that boss that is an asshole and wants to flex their muscle because they are younger or new to the job, they will know that they have a choice; to tolerate or to leave. Mom and Dad gave permission to question all and know that you always have a choice.
I’ve seen this play out where people have employers and partners mentally/verbally abusing them every day and they feel they have to stay. They don’t trust in their own ability to make their own decisions and feel they don’t have another choice but to stay. Many of us were not given options as children or even a voice, but now as adults we have a choice and we can tap into that power that was taken away from us in our younger years. Tapping into this self-power takes work, but it is a power that comes from within that can’t be taken away.